You may have witnessed the abomination that was The Academy Awards, where John Cena, a man who supposedly cares about children, humiliated himself in front of the world.

You’re not alone. The people who run the ad campaigns that keep Cena working were also watching, and they weren’t impressed.

“We went from having a respected actor and wrestling champion to having another member of the woke left,” said Under Armour President Joe Barron, “We’re not renewing his contract.

That move alone will cost Cena more than $10 million annually. Combine that with the other four companies refusing to continue working with him and you have a windfall of repercussions for sullying what is typically a family event.

ALLOD Entertainment Correspondelator Tara Newhole says the atmosphere at the Oscars wasn’t nearly as explosive as in previous years, but with incidents like this, it didn’t exactly disappoint, either.

“You sent me to the Days in down the street and swore the Oscars was there, Flagg,” Newhole complained on a hot mic, “So I ordered a chicken finger basket and rubber-stamped your bullhonkey. Because whatever.”

It seems that after all these years, Tara is finally beginning to understand why America’s Last Line of Defense has some of the most popular content on the intrawebz: It only has to be true at the Days Inn down the street. God Bless America.

Oscars 2024 Producers Break Down John Cena’s Nude Moment: ‘We Made Sure’ He ‘Looked Like a Ken Doll Up Front’

John Cena at the Academy Awards March 10. PHOTO: FRANK MICELOTTA/DISNEY VIA GETTY
John Cena left little to the imagination while onstage at the Oscars on Sunday. But according to a show producer, the presenter’s nudity stuck to the most precise possible specifications.

“We made sure that, for all intents and purposes, he looked like a Ken doll up front,” Walt Disney Television executive VP Rob Mills told Variety.

Cena’s “crack,” he added, “was covered in the back and then the envelope was Velcro-ed on there so it wouldn’t fall. But beyond that, he was naked.”

Per Mills, “a bulge cannot be showing, and you can’t show crack” when it comes to the Federal Communications Commission’s rules about what can be shown on live television. “It was also, ’What happens if he drops that card?’ ”

The wrestler-actor, 46 — who, fittingly enough, starred in the hit Barbie as a Ken doll merman — joined ceremony host Jimmy Kimmel onstage for an homage to the infamous onstage streaker of the 1974 Oscars. Appearing au naturel to present the Academy Award for Best Costume Design, the Birkenstock sandal-clad Cena had only the category’s envelope covering his crotch.

John Cena backstage at the Academy Awards March 10.ROBERT GAUTHIER / LOS ANGELES TIMES VIA GETTY
According to Mills, the exact amount of Cena’s skin to be shown was a subject of contention between ABC ceremony producers and the FCC. “There was a lot of reticence of not just a fine from the FCC, but potential complaints,” the producer said.

The standards and practices executives “were sweating” according to Molly McNearney.

“I think at the end we all got to a spot where we were comfortable, S&P [standards and practices] was comfortable, and it didn’t compromise the comedy a bit,” said McNearney, an executive producer of the Oscars ceremony and Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Who Is Jimmy Kimmel’s Wife? All About Molly McNearney

When the Ricky Stanicky star appeared onstage with only the envelope, social media was abuzz with debates about how much, if any, clothing was behind it.

“That’s what I wanted!” McNearney told Variety. “Maybe it’s not what [the FCC’s standards and practices team] wanted. That’s definitely what I want!”

Jimmy Kimmel and John Cena at the Academy Awards March 10.KEVIN WINTER/GETTY IMAGES
The 2024 Oscar for Best Costume Design went to Holly Waddington of Poor Things. Cena handed her the trophy in a makeshift toga that was hastily tied on during the category’s presentation montage.

“You have to do those embarrassing moments on screen where you’re asked to give of yourself and be vulnerable,” Cena recently told PEOPLE, “whether it’s dressed as a merman, whether it’s in your tighty whities or in a Britney Spears outfit — you’ve got to wholeheartedly commit.”

He added that often, “confidence and foolish courage is all you need.”

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John Cena and Holly Waddington backstage at the Academy Awards March 10.
Another viral moment during the 96th Oscars — supporting actor nominee Ryan Gosling’s show-stopping and star-studded rendition of “I’m Just Ken” from Barbie — was in the works for months, according to Mills.

“You could just see in every rehearsal and everything that this was a moment he never wanted to miss,” he told Variety.

Although Barbie did not receive the Oscar for costume design, it totaled eight nominations at Sunday’s 96th Academy Awards. The Greta Gerwig-directed movie ultimately won in the Best Original Song category for Billie Eilish and Finneas’ song “What Was I Made For?”