Britney Spears being blamed for her split from Sam Asghari mirrors how Indian women are treated post divorce

Following nearly seven years of dating and a star-studded wedding in their Los Angeles home in June 2022, singer Britney Spears and model Sam Asghari are reported to have split. A source cited fundamental issues for this separation, telling Entertainment Tonight, “Sometimes they feel as though each other’s needs aren’t being completely met. Recently, things took a bad turn and their arguments became more serious and real.” Despite this statement plainly pointing towards a mutual breakdown of love, users on social media have been quick to place the blame for the couple’s impending divorce solely on Spears, attacking the singer’s physical appearance in ageist comments and criticising her for her previous short marriages. Most commenters, though, have been all too comfortable publicly discussing the pop star’s mental health, going as far as saying that she needs to be back in a conservatorship.

The flagrant mistreatment of Spears on social media may be shocking, but it is unfortunately not unusual: the vitriolic backlash she is currently facing shines a light on the sexism and stigma that surrounds divorced women to this day. A 2013 report by Slater and Gordon stated that women are twice as likely as men to be shamed after divorce, while men receive less judgement from society for moving on and remarrying. In India, where much of a woman’s worth is tied to ‘settling down’, the subject of divorce is even more taboo, and the end of a marriage is often seen as both a moral and personal failure. States Dr Rashmi Menon, a registered doctor and psychotherapist, “Change is woven into every beginning and end, even in relationships, whether they’re friendships or romances. But partings can hurt, leading us to place blame.”

Predictably, in a patriarchal society, this blame generally falls upon women, along with the societal pressure to retain a marriage. As their marital status is seen as an indicator of familial and caste honour, women are expected to sacrifice their personal and professional lives for the sake of their relationships. Menon elaborates, “Society still clings to old marriage notions, expecting wives to mend relationships. This bias often leads to unfairly pointing blame at wives when love has run its course.” Thus, when a marriage fails, women commonly find themselves ostracised by their family, friends and peers, and criticised for not trying hard enough to make their relationship work. The additional pressure to start families only adds to this marginalisation.

The taboo nature of divorce and the disgrace that surrounds this act in Indian society is why many Indian women continue to stay in toxic and unfulfilling marriages: ending these relationships is seen as an irresponsible and shameful act that betrays one’s commitments and goals as a woman. Additionally, as they are often forced to sacrifice their careers for marriage, women are left with little to no financial support to fall back on in the case of a separation. This lack of financial security is also why several women from oppressed communities are unable to seek divorces, and the phenomenon is largely on the rise only amongst middle-class and upper-middle-class groups.

Despite divorce rates in India still being some of the lowest in the world at less than 1%—only 13 of every 1,000 Indian marriages end in divorce—there has been a recent increase in this phenomenon. Contrary to being a negative development, this, in fact, points to how more individuals today feel empowered to take control of their lives, despite the judgement and rejection they face. Higher divorce rates are also an indicator of women having more financial independence, which allows them to break out of conventional gender norms and seek personal fulfilment. Says Menon, “In older times, married women were meant to be homemakers, pushing aside their own dreams. Relying on their partner’s income, they endured even in troubled relationships. Today, the need for dual incomes and equality has sparked women’s journey to independence and understanding freedom.”

Instead of criticising Spears and finding a way to blame her for the end of her marriage, we should be celebrating her decision towards what is no doubt a healthier outcome for the couple, as well as her ability to chase her happiness after a traumatising and lengthy conservatorship. In fact, maybe it’s time for the pop star to celebrate with a trend that multiple Indian women have been following: a divorce party.